Friends Forever

Co-Authors Susan Callahan Anne Nolen & Katrin Schumann www.momstimeouts.com

Women at all stages in their lives need friends to give them companionship, advice and perspective that they often cannot find elsewhere. In a Time Poll, 63% of women said they talk to friends or family in order to improve their mood. Women want and need to be heard.

Sometimes happenstance friends can save your skin! If your son plays basketball, or your daughter is a soccer fanatic, you’re likely to get to know other parents from standing on the sidelines. Though you may not know them all that well, you often trust these people implicitly; their children bond with yours and you’re likely to see them a lot more regularly than your own best friends. They can help you in a pinch.

As you age, stereotypes go out the window. When you’re younger, you gravitate toward a certain type of person, and you’ll often make assumptions about others based on what they look like or what they like to do. But once you become a mother, you’re thrown into situations with other moms through school or work and those stereotypes go right out the window.

Break up with friends who drain you! Many mothers unwittingly get caught in friendships that drain them: the overbearing buddy whose child is a ‘genius’; the friend who is perpetually in crisis but never actually listens to your advice; the old soul mate who can’t stop sharing negative assumptions about you or your kids even when she hasn’t seen you in years. These are friends who do not add anything positive to your life.

Mothers we talked with identified these six unwritten rules as the key to making friendships between moms become stronger and last longer:

1. Do What You Can: Although it’s important to reciprocate as much as you can, it doesn’t have to be tit-for-tat

2. Listen and Talk: Take the time to really hear what someone is saying

3. Humility’s the Way to Go: Occasionally admitting to vulnerabilities in yourself/your family is a must!

4. Hospitality is Key: Make sure to open your home to kids and friends from time to time. Most people love to be invited over, and don’t care if the house is spotless or if you’ve cooked a gourmet meal.

5. Be Proactive: Don’t wait till a friend needs you to be there for them. Call, write or say hi often.

6. Air Grievances Face to Face: Being forthright helps avoid resentments-if you’re having problems with someone, it’s best to deal with them gently but directly.

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About the Authors: SUSAN CALLAHAN , ANNE NOLEN and KATRIN SCHUMANN are the authors of Mothers Need Time-Outs Too, It’s Good to Be a Little Selfish, It Actually Makes You a Better Mother (McGraw-Hill, 2008). After interviewing over 500 women across America and abroad, they came to the conclusion that being selfish isn’t always bad. The authors have appeared on numerous T.V. and radio shows and have been featured in such publications as Women’s Day and the Daily Telegraph, UK. Passionate about empowering women, they are donating a percentage of their profits to UNIFEM, the United Nations Fund for Women. For more information, please go to www.momstimeouts.com. Women’s health guru Dr. Christiane Northrup has said this groundbreaking book “stands the motherhood-as-sacrifice model on its head. The result is healthier moms and healthier families.”