Feeling a sense of control is important to your health, self esteem and well being. It helps us feel strong, empowered and in charge of our lives and the way it’s unfolding. While a sense of control is beneficial, too much control often leaves us micromanaging everything and everyone in our path. Are you micromanaging? Do you need to oversee everything and make sure it’s all done your way? Is it unsettling for you when things aren’t done to your exact specifications? Besides taking on an enormous amount of extra stress, you’re probably making things more difficult for everyone in your path. If this sounds like you, it’s time to stop micromanaging, learn to delegate and let it go. First of all, consider it from your children’s perspective.
Let’s say you ask them to make their bed. The cover may be pulled up but it’s not tucked in with military precision by any means. You’ve asked them to handle the bed making task, it doesn’t meet your approval so you decide to remake their bed. What message are your children receiving while you’re satisfying your need for a perfect house? They’re probably feeling like their efforts aren’t good enough which discourages them from trying harder while diminishing their self esteem. Here’s another example.
You’ve asked your husband or partner to go food shopping in an effort to share the workload. So far, this is a great plan. He comes home with every concoction of sugary, fatty junk food that can be found on the supermarket shelves. What do you do? Maybe you decide that he simply can’t get it right so it’s yet another job you’ll have to do. Who are you punishing here? Yes you’ll bring home some healthier options, but how about providing him with a specific list and hoping for the best? Your first option only leaves you with more work, frustration and unhappiness while he’s off the hook and wishing you could simply ask for what you want.
This next example is something way too many moms can relate to. What happens when your child comes home with a complicated project that’s due in a few days? Is it really their project, or has it become yours? Of course you want your child’s project to be completed, nicely done and timely but many moms feel that if their child’s work will be seen in or outside the classroom, it needs their decorating touch. There are a few things going on here.
The first thing worth mentioning is how does your “involvement” affect your child? Sure the project may look award winning by the time you’re through but consider the long term consequences. Your child will be doing hundreds of projects during their school career. As they grow, the time involved, difficulty and requirements will only increase. If they’ve never had an opportunity to take full responsibility for their work, their effort and their time, how will it affect them later on? Picture your child in college. If he or she never had to take responsibility for their own assignments during school because you were always on hand to help, think about how this abrupt change of events will affect him or her now. Chances are, it will be a rude and uncomfortable awakening, leaving your child frustrated, overwhelmed and anxious.
Next, take a look at how it affects you. First of all, if you have more than one child, multiply the extra project time by how many children you have. If you have a few children, you’ve just given yourself a part time job!
The trick with ending micromanaging is to delegate the task and then let it go! Sure it may not be perfect or exactly the way you want it. But try to ask yourself this very deep, spiritual and philosophical question which can only be answered after careful though and consideration. Ready, the question is…..who cares? Chances are, no one cares but you. So for your health, well being and sanity, stop micromanaging; learn to delegate then let it go. Not only will you be happier, but so will everyone else.
Debi Silber, MS, RD, WHC
Debi is a Registered Dietitian with a Master’s degree in Nutrition, a Personal Trainer, Whole Health Coach, Lifestyle Expert-just for moms, speaker, President of Lifestyle Fitness, Inc. and author of The Lifestyle Fitness Program: A Six Part Plan So Every Mom Can Look, Feel and Live Her Best and From Mom To Wow: Your Ultimate Body, Mind and Life Makeover Guide. Debi’s branded The Mojo Coach TM because for nearly 20 years, she’s inspired unfit, overweight and overwhelmed moms to “get their mojo back” through gradual lifestyle change. www.themojocoach.com
Did you know that the leading cause of death for women in the United States is Sudden Cardiac Arrest (SCA)? Cardiovascular Disease claims the lives of over 500,000 women each year. For many of us we don’t think of our heart health risks. June 1 – 7, 2010 is National CPR & AED Awareness Week. This week take a few minutes to evaluate your heart health risks and learn how to keep your heart healthy.
What puts us at risk factor for cardiovascular disease? High cholesterol, high blood pressure, smoking, obesity, diabetes, stress and lack of physical activity are just a few. These are risk factors we can control by changing habits or visiting with our healthcare provider. Some risk factors we can’t control; such as our age, race or hereditary factors. But these are things that you can include in your conversation with your healthcare provider as they will include these in their healthcare plan for you.
Do you know the signs and symptoms of a heart attack or sudden cardiac arrest? In sudden cardiac arrest a person collapses and becomes unresponsive. They stop breathing and their heart beats with an irregular rhythm that does not effectively circulate blood through their body. Start CPR and use an AED (Automated External Defibrillator). A person having a heart attack may have sharp or crushing chest pain; but many people only have mild discomfort or pressure in their chest or upper back and some difficulty breathing. It is important that anyone having chest pain or pressure with difficulty in breathing seek medical attention immediately. Call 911. If they become unresponsive and stop breathing start CPR and use an AED (Automated External Defibrillator).
Do you know how to do CPR? If you have never taken a course or are not sure if you remember how to do CPR you can do Hands-Only CPR. Call 911, push up and down on the center of the person’s chest and don’t stop until the ambulance arrives. Your quick action can make a difference.
The American Heart Association’s Go Red for Women (www.goredforwomen.org) website has interactive heart check up tools, tips and programs to help you check and improve your heart health. Set aside of a few minutes of Me Time this week and check your heart health. It is something you can do for yourself and your family.
About Gail Klanchesser
She is the owner of Coastal CPR & First Aid, LLC. She is an American Heart Association BLS CPR & First Aid Instructor offering both community and on-location courses for busy parents, healthcare providers, care providers, business, schools and youth organizations. She is a former EMT-I and firmly believes that we all can make a difference to someone in an emergency by using CPR, choking and First Aid skills. She and her four children are active community volunteers living on the New Hampshire Seacoast. coastalcpr.com
As Mother’s Day approaches, I’m reminded of the importance to take a little time out for myself. I encourage you to do the same. Below are some ideas on how you can spend your “me time” beyond the bubble bath!
Send your Mind on Vacation This economy doesn’t always support a fly-away vacation to white sandy beaches where your troubles are washed away in the rolling surf. Carve out 5 minutes and think of a place you have visited that brought you peace and tranquility. Close your eyes and visualize all your muscles relaxing. Picture yourself in your favorite spot and take in all the sights, smells, and sounds of that wonderful place. Enjoy the feeling of pleasure that comes your way from “visiting” your vacation destination!
Embrace your Youth! Think of all the things that you did as a child that gave you joy! Go to a park and swing, climb a tree or play dress-up. Grab some friends and go to an amusement park, do cannonballs in the pool, have a squirt gun fight, or grab your bike and go! Find something that brings you cheer and laughter… giggling is GOOD!
Shake Things up and Push your Boundaries Stop saying “I’d like to do that someday” or “I don’t think I could do that” and JUST DO IT. Jump out of a plane, scale a cliff, go bungee jumping, set a goal and start training for your first 5K, 10K or marathon.
Take a Step into the Past Looking at old pictures of family and friends can give you comfort and take you back to happy times in your life… so dig out those old photo albums and thumb through them. If you are one of those ladies that has stored bins of pictures or have a portable hard-drive of digital pictures that haven’t been printed – GET TO WORK SCRAPBOOKING. You can do this in the solitude of your home or enjoy this project in the company of friends or family.
Take a Walk of Gratitude Grab your sneaks and head out the door to re-energize! With every step repeat “I’m thankful” in your head and tell yourself something that you are thankful for in your life, whether it’s family, friends, relationships, work, health, reaching your goals etc. You’ll be shifting into a positive energy gear in no time!
Enjoy a Girls Night Out Create a GNO experience! A girls night doesn’t have to equal dinner, cocktails and dancing… Try something different! Attend a professional sporting event, go visit an art gallery, museum or theatre or attend a wine/cheese tasting.
Host a Girls Night In Although you can enjoy the latest chick flick and wine etc… Think out of the box! Enlist the help of a local expert and try something new! Learn to make jewelry, host a scrapbook class, have a clothing and accessory swap or enjoy a low-cost spa/makeover party.
Remind yourself all year long of the importance of “Me Time” by purchasing a Me Time tee… check out special deals via our Me Time Matters eNewsletter, our Facebook Fan Club page and Twitter @metime
Heart-Warming Stories Capture Joan Lunden’s Attention
Joan Lunden, longest running host of ABC TV’s “Good Morning America,” best-selling author, international speaker, and women’s health and wellness advocate, never expected the overwhelming response she received to an essay contest launched this spring whose winners would attend her women’s weekend getaway, Camp Reveille as her guests in August. 
Her web site, www.campreveille.com, was inundated with entries, including heart-warming stories from a son nominating his supportive mother, a mother seeking a respite for her daughter who is a Hurricane Katrina survivor, and hundreds of women who themselves felt in need of a summer camp getaway.
“It was too difficult to select a single, winning entry,” said Lunden, who ended up choosing five winners from around the country to join her for the women-only, long weekend getaway she hosts once a year on the grounds of Camp Takajo in Maine.
“This is a guilt free weekend,” says Lunden. “If we want to be our best as women, we must take care of ourselves. That means taking a break from our demanding schedules to revitalize mind and body. Camp Reveille offers a chance for renewal, personal growth, and self discovery, but most importantly it’s time to relax and have fun! These five women are going to truly relish the Camp Reveille experience.”
The lucky winners include:
Andrea Bennett of Lynn, Mass., a physician’s assistant at Children’s Hospital of Boston and the highest ranking black woman in the Massachusetts National Guard. In December she will be deployed to Iraq. Andrea’s daughter, Aisha Bennett nominated her mother, Andrea, who has dedicated her life to her four biological children as well as three children who she took in and cared for over the years.
Catherine “Cat” Thomas of New Orleans, who was displaced from her home for three months in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina and ever since, has juggled a full load including working a demanding hospital job in New Orleans, raising an energetic six-year old boy & her two step-children, and volunteering her time wherever needed, teaching her children about the importance of giving back. According to Cat’s mother, Mary Levesque, who nominated her daughter, Cat puts everyone else’s needs first including her mother. For the past two years Cat has cared for her mother in Oxford, Massachusetts throughout 11 surgeries.
Diane Ambrosio of Kings Park, Long Island, NY, a working mother of five children (16, 14, 13, 12 and 9) and a nursing school student, devotes her life to her family. Every moment is spent continuing her education, working, or making sure her family is cared for. Diane shared in her essay that her home and family, as well as her own physical and mental health, are suffering from her frantically busy schedule. Feeling constantly overwhelmed and guilty, Diane is the epitome of today’s working mother. Camp Reveille will help her re-charge and return a better mother for her family.
Gloria Pleasant of Maple Valley, Wash., was nominated by her son Kyle, a New York City-based musical theater performer. Kyle wrote in his nomination of his mother, “Joan Lunden has always been a tremendous role model and inspiration for my mom. My mother worked tirelessly to pay the bills, even filing bankruptcy to make the best life possible for our family and support my passion to be a performer. She taught me to follow my dreams, embrace my differences and never give up.”
Linda Kennedy Hassel of Redding, Penn., a grief counselor and mother says “my life has become my work as I believe that somehow I can be an anchor in the storm for many women. Yet, to do my best, I know I need to take care of myself – advice I give my clients, yet somehow do not take readily for myself.” Linda has found passion in her work after enduring her own share of grief and challenges, losing a daughter at age 10 from blood-transfused AIDS after battling leukemia from the age of two. Linda has raised three children and will finally have a weekend to take care of herself.
Camp Reveille runs from Aug. 20-23 in the lake region of Southern Maine. The idyllic location includes an active waterfront and beach, which offers swimming, sailing, canoeing, waterskiing, sunbathing, and banana boat rides. Women can enjoy a myriad of fitness classes including dance, yoga, Pilates, and strengthening or partake in traditional camp activities like arts and crafts, archery, a 50-foot climbing wall, beach volleyball, basketball, or tennis. During the four-day, three-night getaway renowned skincare line, Murad, sets up a luxurious spa for women to enjoy complimentary facials and massages. This year Joan will be offering one-on one nutritional consulting and dermatological full body checks for those who choose to sign up.
View related story: Joan Lunden, former Good Morning America co-anchor, accomplished author and busy mom of seven, touches the lives of those around her by inspiring them to live a healthy lifestyle.
To find out more about Camp Reveille, please visit www.CampReveille.com.
To find out more about Joan Lunden, please visit www.JoanLunden.com.
Part 4 of 4 (view previous articles in the series)
Moving forward after having the support for the last month can be as difficult as the initial challenge of making the time for “me-time”! So let’s make sure you have a solid plan in place for healthy habits to continue improving on!
Make sure you always know what you like to do for yourself, be sure to schedule it in ahead of time so it’s sure to happen and recognize if you’re still stressed out when the time is over. As you define how this happens in your day to day life try to make it as normal as breathing & before you know it – it will be!
As you evaluate the last few weeks of lessons ask yourself the following questions:
- Did I think I could actually accomplish “me-time” when I started?
- Have I found out things about myself that surprised me?
- What could possibly stand in the way of moving forward?
- Is there a system in place that I can rely on?
- What does Plan B look like?
Example: “I still remember the days when I wondered if I even existed outside of being “my husband’s wife” or “my kid’s Mom”. When I look back now I realize that I stopped taking care of myself & allowed taking care of everyone else to become my identity. Funny thing is, it doesn’t have to be one or the other.
I was among those who said “I don’t have time for me”, the truth was – I didn’t know how to have time for me. By stumbling my way through many trials and errors I discovered that some weeks I get in lots of things I love doing and others I barely stay awake long enough to think about what I missed! By establishing a system that worked for me (planning a month at a time) I found where I would have to just grin and bear it & where I could finally breathe. But I’ve always known that Plan B is either a “just for now solution” or a “WARNING sign” that is to be avoided at all costs – because I enjoy my own identity!
For those still lingering on finding their way:
In my early 20’s I worked for an airline, during one of our training sessions the question was asked “if you were on a plane that had lost cabin pressure while traveling with your child, who would you put the air mask on first?” I was passionate about my answer and debated that I would save my child before I would save myself! Then the instructor asked one of the most important questions I’ve ever been asked … “If you put the mask on your child & then pass out before you get yours on, who will be left to take care of your child?”
That moment changed a lot of things for me, including the priority I put on making time for myself – so I was the person I wanted to be for my family as well as myself.
I hope these 4 weeks have brought you practical advice as well as solutions you really can accommodate in your own lifestyle!”
Me-Time Assignment: Continue improving your systems until they feel like they “fit”
Do not let another week pass by without “me-time”
