Part 4 of 4 (view previous articles in the series)
Moving forward after having the support for the last month can be as difficult as the initial challenge of making the time for “me-time”! So let’s make sure you have a solid plan in place for healthy habits to continue improving on!
Make sure you always know what you like to do for yourself, be sure to schedule it in ahead of time so it’s sure to happen and recognize if you’re still stressed out when the time is over. As you define how this happens in your day to day life try to make it as normal as breathing & before you know it – it will be!
As you evaluate the last few weeks of lessons ask yourself the following questions:
- Did I think I could actually accomplish “me-time” when I started?
- Have I found out things about myself that surprised me?
- What could possibly stand in the way of moving forward?
- Is there a system in place that I can rely on?
- What does Plan B look like?
Example: “I still remember the days when I wondered if I even existed outside of being “my husband’s wife” or “my kid’s Mom”. When I look back now I realize that I stopped taking care of myself & allowed taking care of everyone else to become my identity. Funny thing is, it doesn’t have to be one or the other.
I was among those who said “I don’t have time for me”, the truth was – I didn’t know how to have time for me. By stumbling my way through many trials and errors I discovered that some weeks I get in lots of things I love doing and others I barely stay awake long enough to think about what I missed! By establishing a system that worked for me (planning a month at a time) I found where I would have to just grin and bear it & where I could finally breathe. But I’ve always known that Plan B is either a “just for now solution” or a “WARNING sign” that is to be avoided at all costs – because I enjoy my own identity!
For those still lingering on finding their way:
In my early 20’s I worked for an airline, during one of our training sessions the question was asked “if you were on a plane that had lost cabin pressure while traveling with your child, who would you put the air mask on first?” I was passionate about my answer and debated that I would save my child before I would save myself! Then the instructor asked one of the most important questions I’ve ever been asked … “If you put the mask on your child & then pass out before you get yours on, who will be left to take care of your child?”
That moment changed a lot of things for me, including the priority I put on making time for myself – so I was the person I wanted to be for my family as well as myself.
I hope these 4 weeks have brought you practical advice as well as solutions you really can accommodate in your own lifestyle!”
Me-Time Assignment: Continue improving your systems until they feel like they “fit”
Do not let another week pass by without “me-time”
Women at all stages in their lives need friends to give them companionship, advice and perspective that they often cannot find elsewhere. In a Time Poll, 63% of women said they talk to friends or family in order to improve their mood. Women want and need to be heard.
Scientists have proven that social ties reduce the risk of disease by lowering blood pressure, heart rates and cholesterol. The director of the Center for Cognitive and Social Neuroscience at the University of Chicago, John T. Cacioppo says close relationships can have a profound effect on our cardiovascular and neuroendocrine activity: in other words, a friend’s nurturing love will lower your blood pressure!
As mothers, we establish many positive relationships for our children through the healthy, loving connections we make with the world around us. We not only model what it means to be a good friend, but we give the kids the gift of close relationships with people other than ourselves.
After talking with 500+ women while researching our book Mothers Need Time Outs Too (www.momstimeouts.com), we came away with these some key insights about friendships
Friends give perspective when life gets tough: Incredibly close relationships can develop between people who meet through support groups, in the hospital, or the most unexpected places like a specialty food store or a therapist’s office. Sometimes you want someone who’s been through the same things you’ve experienced, especially if it’s serious grief, illness, or dealing with a life-long disability.
Sometimes happenstance friends can save your skin! If your son plays basketball, or your daughter is a soccer fanatic, you’re likely to get to know other parents from standing on the sidelines. Though you may not know them all that well, you often trust these people implicitly; their children bond with yours and you’re likely to see them a lot more regularly than your own best friends. They can help you in a pinch.
As you age, stereotypes go out the window. When you’re younger, you gravitate toward a certain type of person, and you’ll often make assumptions about others based on what they look like or what they like to do. But once you become a mother, you’re thrown into situations with other moms through school or work and those stereotypes go right out the window. 
Break up with friends who drain you! Many mothers unwittingly get caught in friendships that drain them: the overbearing buddy whose child is a ‘genius’; the friend who is perpetually in crisis but never actually listens to your advice; the old soul mate who can’t stop sharing negative assumptions about you or your kids even when she hasn’t seen you in years. These are friends who do not add anything positive to your life.
Mothers we talked with identified these six unwritten rules as the key to making friendships between moms become stronger and last longer:
1. Do What You Can: Although it’s important to reciprocate as much as you can, it doesn’t have to be tit-for-tat
2. Listen and Talk: Take the time to really hear what someone is saying
3. Humility’s the Way to Go: Occasionally admitting to vulnerabilities in yourself/your family is a must!
4. Hospitality is Key: Make sure to open your home to kids and friends from time to time. Most people love to be invited over, and don’t care if the house is spotless or if you’ve cooked a gourmet meal.
5. Be Proactive: Don’t wait till a friend needs you to be there for them. Call, write or say hi often.
6. Air Grievances Face to Face: Being forthright helps avoid resentments-if you’re having problems with someone, it’s best to deal with them gently but directly.
If you like this article you may consider:
Mother’s Need Time-Outs Too – Tips from the Trenches
Seven Steps To Becoming a More Positive Thinker
About the Authors: SUSAN CALLAHAN , ANNE NOLEN and KATRIN SCHUMANN are the authors of Mothers Need Time-Outs Too, It’s Good to Be a Little Selfish, It Actually Makes You a Better Mother (McGraw-Hill, 2008). After interviewing over 500 women across America and abroad, they came to the conclusion that being selfish isn’t always bad. The authors have appeared on numerous T.V. and radio shows and have been featured in such publications as Women’s Day and the Daily Telegraph, UK. Passionate about empowering women, they are donating a percentage of their profits to UNIFEM, the United Nations Fund for Women. For more information, please go to www.momstimeouts.com. Women’s health guru Dr. Christiane Northrup has said this groundbreaking book “stands the motherhood-as-sacrifice model on its head. The result is healthier moms and healthier families.”
I popped on the local news site to check the weather for the week and a stories in the sidebar caught my attention. It was titled “Woman Rings in 100th Birthday with Ride on Hog” (video link below). A woman’s family teamed up with the local Harley dealership on her 100th birthday and arranged for her to take a ride on a Harley motorcycle – something that she enjoyed since her first motorcycle ride in her twenties.
After I watched the video, I began thinking about what I did as a child, teenager or BC (before children) that I truly enjoyed. I recalled pastimes and events that made me laugh, scream with excitement or brought a sense of being carefree! Memories started flashing in my head… riding my bike (it was my key to freedom – I’d ride for miles to meet my friends for lunch or hang out) or riding on the fastest roller coaster at the amusement park 10 times straight (no lines, no waiting). Then there were the simple things like cannonball contests in the pool to see who could make the most water to spill over the sides of the pool (that wouldn’t be as hard these days LOL). Or trying new things like water skiing or painting. 
So I ask each of you… what pastimes or events that made you laugh, scream with excitement or brought you a sense of being carefree? Share with us! Write down the topics in a comment on this post.
I challenge each of you to revisit one of these pastimes in the next month… It just may help you let go of a little stress and provide a fresh perspective and a sense of renewal.
We will have more on embracing your youth and will provide you with information on how to win a trip to “re-engage your sense of play” in the coming days. Stay tuned to www.metime.com. If you aren’t a regular subscriber to this blog register now in the upper right hand column and be sure to sign up for our monthly newsletter Me Time Matters.
Check out other great articles and resources at Me Time Central. Topics include: health, wellness, fitness, motherhood, careers, beauty etc.
“Woman Rings in 100th Birthday with Ride on Hog”
