Towards the end of summer, moms begin to think about the upcoming school year. While the summer may have meant lazy days without schedules or routines, the school year brings about something else entirely. Shopping for school supplies, instilling earlier bedtimes and a few last sleepovers are all being crammed into the next few weeks but at some point, new schedules, routines, clubs, play dates and commitments will all begin.
Think about how things went during the last school year. Were you stressed, overextended and overcommitted? You can follow the path you took last year and if it worked for you, that’s great. If it didn’t work for you however, you have another choice. The choice is to reevaluate the decisions you made previously, keeping what worked and changing what didn’t.
Each time you stop and reevaluate, you give yourself an opportunity to come up with a better strategy. You give yourself a chance to think about your values and what really matters most to you. Most importantly, you send a powerful message to yourself and those around you that your happiness matters too. So let’s say that you were overextended and overcommitted last school year. How can you make a change?
First take a look at when you say “yes” and “no”. Chances are you’re saying “yes” to a task you’d rather not do leaving you to say “no” to things that would bring you greater joy, passion and purpose. Here’s an example. Your daughter has a classroom performance and she’s counting on you being there. In order to get there on time, you left work early, ate in the car and returned phone calls during the drive. You race through the doors of school where you’re stopped by an acquaintance who asks you help out at the next PTA fundraising event. Your thoughts are on your daughter and the look she’ll have on her face if she doesn’t see you this minute so you end the conversation quickly with, “yes.”
After the performance you hug your daughter, race back to work and realize that you just added a few extra hours to your already overly extended lifestyle by saying “yes” when your mind, body, and soul were all screaming “no.” Why did you say yes? Maybe you felt guilty that you haven’t participated as often as some of the other moms. Maybe you were afraid that you’d be accused of “not being a part of the team.” Maybe you felt you’d be disliked, rejected or perceived as selfish if you didn’t say “yes” and finally, maybe you just don’t know how to say “no.”
What are your priorities? While they may include many things, spending time with family is often found somewhere near the top of the list. If quality time with your family is important and taking on another commitment will only leave you with less time for those you love, is saying “yes” in the best interest of you, your family, your values and your priorities? Saying “yes” to another time stealer leaves you saying “no” to something else that could have been fun, enriching and fulfilling.
Many moms feel when they say “no” to a request they are rejecting the person who has asked for the help. You aren’t rejecting the person, merely the request. We all know what rejection feels like and hope to spare anyone from the pain it causes. However, by assuming the person is personalizing the request is an assumption and unnecessary burden on our part. The person asking simply wants to know the responsibility is taken care of so they can check one more thing off their to-do list if you say “yes.” Saying no to their request is nothing personal, it’s just another opportunity for them to ask someone else to do the job they’re asking of you.
Many moms say “yes” to avoid the confrontation or look of surprise they may receive if they say “no.” For these moms, it’s easier to take on the extra work than deal with the perceived unwelcome response or “wrath.” Here’s a thought. Yes it may be uncomfortable for a minute or two. You may feel tense, stammer and wish you were anywhere else. But that feeling is fleeting and the freedom you’ve retained by staying true to your values lasts much longer.
Many moms believe they’ll be perceived as mean, selfish or “above it all” if they say “no.” First of all, if someone is going to criticize, judge and critique you and your behavior, do you really care what they think? Secondly, is it mean or selfish if you use that extra time to cuddle with your kids, go on a “date” with your husband or catch up on some extra sleep so you’ll have more patience, energy and clarity? Lastly, you are your children’s greatest role model. They look to you to see how to feel, act and behave. If this extra commitment leaves you feeling stressed, overwhelmed and overextended, is this the way you want your children to always see you?
Many moms just don’t know how to say “no.” Maybe it just sounds too harsh or severe for you so a more subtle approach may work better. If this is the case, how about something like: “I need to think about it and get back to you.” This is a great way of buying time so you can make a clear decision after thinking it through. Another option may be: “I’d love to, but I have too much on my plate right now.” This is a straightforward, honest response that few moms can argue with. A final option may be: “Now’s not a good time but when I’m able to help, I’ll let you know.”
This approach keeps the door open for future requests while remaining true to your priorities and yourself. As the kids go back to school they will have another year to learn, grow and evolve. If we choose, we can use the opportunity to “go back to school” and take some lessons in self growth and development ourselves. This school term, let’s work on reevaluating old habits and unhealthy behaviors in order to help ourselves, improve our relationships and become the empowered moms we’d always hoped we’d be. It’s time to go back to school. Let’s make it a great year!
About Debi Silber, MS, RD, WHC
Debi is a Registered Dietitian with a Master’s degree in Nutrition, a Personal Trainer, Whole Health Coach, Lifestyle Expert-just for moms, speaker, President of Lifestyle Fitness, Inc. and author of The Lifestyle Fitness Program: A Six Part Plan So Every Mom Can Look, Feel and Live Her Best and From Mom To Wow: Your Ultimate Body, Mind and Life Makeover Guide. Debi’s branded The Mojo Coach TM because for nearly 20 years, she’s inspired unfit, overweight and overwhelmed moms to “get their mojo back” through gradual lifestyle change. www.themojocoach.com
When warm weather arrives dining al fresco is a popular activity. Give your backyard barbecue a break and pack a picnic for your local park or campground. Often synonymous with summer, a picnic is a perfect way to kick back for some me time.
Whether you’re picnicking with the family or turning a sunset picnic into date night with your spouse or significant other, there are a few key elements that will make your outing simple and satisfying. You can even save preparation time – and use that extra half hour for a second glass of wine.
Rain, Rain, Go Away: If an unpredicted afternoon shower rains on your parade, don’t let it bring you down. Spreading a blanket or mat on your living room floor can be just as fun and spontaneous as a picnic in the great outdoors. If you’re entertaining the kids, dim the lights and take turns telling jokes or ghost stories. If you’re picnicking indoors with a special someone, light a few candles for a romantic atmosphere.
Plan Ahead: If you’re making your meal from scratch, do the prep work at home. Wash and chop fruit and vegetables and assemble sandwiches ahead of time. If you’re preparing picnic for a large group, websites like GoPicnic.com offer a variety of shelf-stable, ready to eat boxed meal combinations made with organic and all natural ingredients – the next best thing to a homemade picnic. Healthy meals made up of ingredients like couscous, Wild Alaskan Salmon, vegetables, organic crackers and dried fruit.
Don’t Sweat It: If you’re spending the afternoon outdoors, be sure to dress for the weather. Though a picnic can be a special occasion, some parts of the country grow quite hot during warmer seasons. Wearing loose cotton clothing and drinking plenty of water can help prevent dehydration and heat exhaustion – and leaves you with plenty of energy for a game of Frisbee.
No More Brown Bagging: If you’re picnicking in a mountainous area and expect to be climbing some hills to or from your destination, there is no need to haul a heavy picnic basket. Instead, an insulated, eco-friendly tote like the Neela bag (pictured) can fit as many items as the average picnic basket and comes with a convenient shoulder strap for easy lifting.
Play it Safe: Outdoor dining can be pleasurable, but also leaves food susceptible to unknown germs and bacteria. “Pack plenty of ice in your cooler or picnic basket to keep cold foods cold, “ said Rebecca Houseal, registered dietitian. “Foods left out in the hot temperatures longer than one hour are likely to spoil and are best discarded.” And of course, practice handwashing as you normally would before meals.
Pass the Bubbly: If you’re sharing a picnic with a significant other and want to sip something a more special than cola, don’t worry about packing wine glasses and a corkscrew in your picnic basket. Some brands of wine and champagne are available in single serving bottles – and some in cans! Perfect for portion control, Sofia Minis from Francis Ford Coppola come in a petite pink container, offering ¼ a bottle of wine per serving ($15). They even have wrapped straws for sipping – perfect for a day in a park where glassware may not be permitted.
Maris Callahan: Since graduating from Susquehanna University in 2006, Maris has worked in the world of PR. While she began her career in the fashion/beauty industry, she now works in the consumer sector. She maintains a personal blog, In Good Taste, primarily about cooking, food and life. In her “me” time she enjoys running, knitting, yoga and a good latte.
Heart-Warming Stories Capture Joan Lunden’s Attention
Joan Lunden, longest running host of ABC TV’s “Good Morning America,” best-selling author, international speaker, and women’s health and wellness advocate, never expected the overwhelming response she received to an essay contest launched this spring whose winners would attend her women’s weekend getaway, Camp Reveille as her guests in August. 
Her web site, www.campreveille.com, was inundated with entries, including heart-warming stories from a son nominating his supportive mother, a mother seeking a respite for her daughter who is a Hurricane Katrina survivor, and hundreds of women who themselves felt in need of a summer camp getaway.
“It was too difficult to select a single, winning entry,” said Lunden, who ended up choosing five winners from around the country to join her for the women-only, long weekend getaway she hosts once a year on the grounds of Camp Takajo in Maine.
“This is a guilt free weekend,” says Lunden. “If we want to be our best as women, we must take care of ourselves. That means taking a break from our demanding schedules to revitalize mind and body. Camp Reveille offers a chance for renewal, personal growth, and self discovery, but most importantly it’s time to relax and have fun! These five women are going to truly relish the Camp Reveille experience.”
The lucky winners include:
Andrea Bennett of Lynn, Mass., a physician’s assistant at Children’s Hospital of Boston and the highest ranking black woman in the Massachusetts National Guard. In December she will be deployed to Iraq. Andrea’s daughter, Aisha Bennett nominated her mother, Andrea, who has dedicated her life to her four biological children as well as three children who she took in and cared for over the years.
Catherine “Cat” Thomas of New Orleans, who was displaced from her home for three months in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina and ever since, has juggled a full load including working a demanding hospital job in New Orleans, raising an energetic six-year old boy & her two step-children, and volunteering her time wherever needed, teaching her children about the importance of giving back. According to Cat’s mother, Mary Levesque, who nominated her daughter, Cat puts everyone else’s needs first including her mother. For the past two years Cat has cared for her mother in Oxford, Massachusetts throughout 11 surgeries.
Diane Ambrosio of Kings Park, Long Island, NY, a working mother of five children (16, 14, 13, 12 and 9) and a nursing school student, devotes her life to her family. Every moment is spent continuing her education, working, or making sure her family is cared for. Diane shared in her essay that her home and family, as well as her own physical and mental health, are suffering from her frantically busy schedule. Feeling constantly overwhelmed and guilty, Diane is the epitome of today’s working mother. Camp Reveille will help her re-charge and return a better mother for her family.
Gloria Pleasant of Maple Valley, Wash., was nominated by her son Kyle, a New York City-based musical theater performer. Kyle wrote in his nomination of his mother, “Joan Lunden has always been a tremendous role model and inspiration for my mom. My mother worked tirelessly to pay the bills, even filing bankruptcy to make the best life possible for our family and support my passion to be a performer. She taught me to follow my dreams, embrace my differences and never give up.”
Linda Kennedy Hassel of Redding, Penn., a grief counselor and mother says “my life has become my work as I believe that somehow I can be an anchor in the storm for many women. Yet, to do my best, I know I need to take care of myself – advice I give my clients, yet somehow do not take readily for myself.” Linda has found passion in her work after enduring her own share of grief and challenges, losing a daughter at age 10 from blood-transfused AIDS after battling leukemia from the age of two. Linda has raised three children and will finally have a weekend to take care of herself.
Camp Reveille runs from Aug. 20-23 in the lake region of Southern Maine. The idyllic location includes an active waterfront and beach, which offers swimming, sailing, canoeing, waterskiing, sunbathing, and banana boat rides. Women can enjoy a myriad of fitness classes including dance, yoga, Pilates, and strengthening or partake in traditional camp activities like arts and crafts, archery, a 50-foot climbing wall, beach volleyball, basketball, or tennis. During the four-day, three-night getaway renowned skincare line, Murad, sets up a luxurious spa for women to enjoy complimentary facials and massages. This year Joan will be offering one-on one nutritional consulting and dermatological full body checks for those who choose to sign up.
View related story: Joan Lunden, former Good Morning America co-anchor, accomplished author and busy mom of seven, touches the lives of those around her by inspiring them to live a healthy lifestyle.
To find out more about Camp Reveille, please visit www.CampReveille.com.
To find out more about Joan Lunden, please visit www.JoanLunden.com.
