Feeling a sense of control is important to your health, self esteem and well being. It helps us feel strong, empowered and in charge of our lives and the way it’s unfolding. While a sense of control is beneficial, too much control often leaves us micromanaging everything and everyone in our path. Are you micromanaging? Do you need to oversee everything and make sure it’s all done your way? Is it unsettling for you when things aren’t done to your exact specifications? Besides taking on an enormous amount of extra stress, you’re probably making things more difficult for everyone in your path. If this sounds like you, it’s time to stop micromanaging, learn to delegate and let it go. First of all, consider it from your children’s perspective.
Let’s say you ask them to make their bed. The cover may be pulled up but it’s not tucked in with military precision by any means. You’ve asked them to handle the bed making task, it doesn’t meet your approval so you decide to remake their bed. What message are your children receiving while you’re satisfying your need for a perfect house? They’re probably feeling like their efforts aren’t good enough which discourages them from trying harder while diminishing their self esteem. Here’s another example.
You’ve asked your husband or partner to go food shopping in an effort to share the workload. So far, this is a great plan. He comes home with every concoction of sugary, fatty junk food that can be found on the supermarket shelves. What do you do? Maybe you decide that he simply can’t get it right so it’s yet another job you’ll have to do. Who are you punishing here? Yes you’ll bring home some healthier options, but how about providing him with a specific list and hoping for the best? Your first option only leaves you with more work, frustration and unhappiness while he’s off the hook and wishing you could simply ask for what you want.
This next example is something way too many moms can relate to. What happens when your child comes home with a complicated project that’s due in a few days? Is it really their project, or has it become yours? Of course you want your child’s project to be completed, nicely done and timely but many moms feel that if their child’s work will be seen in or outside the classroom, it needs their decorating touch. There are a few things going on here.
The first thing worth mentioning is how does your “involvement” affect your child? Sure the project may look award winning by the time you’re through but consider the long term consequences. Your child will be doing hundreds of projects during their school career. As they grow, the time involved, difficulty and requirements will only increase. If they’ve never had an opportunity to take full responsibility for their work, their effort and their time, how will it affect them later on? Picture your child in college. If he or she never had to take responsibility for their own assignments during school because you were always on hand to help, think about how this abrupt change of events will affect him or her now. Chances are, it will be a rude and uncomfortable awakening, leaving your child frustrated, overwhelmed and anxious.
Next, take a look at how it affects you. First of all, if you have more than one child, multiply the extra project time by how many children you have. If you have a few children, you’ve just given yourself a part time job!
The trick with ending micromanaging is to delegate the task and then let it go! Sure it may not be perfect or exactly the way you want it. But try to ask yourself this very deep, spiritual and philosophical question which can only be answered after careful though and consideration. Ready, the question is…..who cares? Chances are, no one cares but you. So for your health, well being and sanity, stop micromanaging; learn to delegate then let it go. Not only will you be happier, but so will everyone else.
Debi Silber, MS, RD, WHC
Debi is a Registered Dietitian with a Master’s degree in Nutrition, a Personal Trainer, Whole Health Coach, Lifestyle Expert-just for moms, speaker, President of Lifestyle Fitness, Inc. and author of The Lifestyle Fitness Program: A Six Part Plan So Every Mom Can Look, Feel and Live Her Best and From Mom To Wow: Your Ultimate Body, Mind and Life Makeover Guide. Debi’s branded The Mojo Coach TM because for nearly 20 years, she’s inspired unfit, overweight and overwhelmed moms to “get their mojo back” through gradual lifestyle change. www.themojocoach.com
Is your free time limited? Have you ever experienced an ounce of guilt after spending a few quality hours with your girlfriends? Well then, Girlfriend Celebrations has the perfect girls night idea for you. With our Cooking Up Friendship Party, you’ll prepare meals together to freeze and eat at a later date. Doing chores with your pals makes them much more enjoyable. We all have to eat, so why not find a way to make the prep work more fun? It’s a win-win situation: You get to spend a few hours actively connecting with your friends while saving yourself time in the weeks ahead. Read on for the how-to:
Setting and Setup
The nice thing about this party is the only room you have to clean is the kitchen! To get ready, you will need to do a little advance preparation.
First, pick a simple theme for the recipes you will make, such as casseroles, soups, chilis, or chicken dishes. Limiting yourself to one kind of meat, such as ground beef or chicken, will save time and steps, but that is up to you. Consider your friends’ budgets when setting your theme. You may even want to suggest minimum/maximum dollar amounts so you don’t have one friend bringing filet mignon while everybody else brings ground chuck. You may want to limit the meals to 4- or 5-ingredient recipes. One great resource for simple recipes is the Once a Month Cooking World website.
Consider any food allergies or dietary restrictions. Be sure to let everyone know if there are restrictions on ingredients.
Pick up extra spatulas, measuring cups, cutting boards, etc, at the dollar store, or ask your friends to bring some basic cooking supplies. If someone is making lasagna, they should bring foil pans or you can provide.
Have plenty of freezer bags, small zip-seal bags and aluminum foil on hand. You will also need labels and/or a Sharpie marker. Single girls: You may want to have small freezer bags or plastic containers so you can freeze individual portions.
On the day of the party, you will want to make sure your kitchen is sparkling and ready for your friends. Clear the counters, wipe down the stovetop and clean out the frig.
Invitations
With preparations made, now it’s time to invite your girlfriends! Because of time and space constraints, limit your guest list to five or fewer. Try to invite friends with similarly sized households, because each friend will be taking home the same amount of food.
Try sending your invitations on recipe cards. Find one with a pretty design, or punch holes along the edges of a plain one and thread it with a pink ribbon. (you can find MANY free printable recipe cards on the internet, by the way.) Write something like this:
Recipe for a Great Evening
4 chatty friends
5 different dishes
1 cup of laughter
1 hot stove
A splash of wine
And the key ingredient: You!
We’ll be cooking up freeze-ahead recipes while we enjoy each other’s company. Please bring all the ingredients to make your favorite recipe (times 5!). You’ll leave with 5 different meals to put in your freezer.
Ask each guest to bring foil pans if necessary to store and freeze their recipe (casseroles, for example). Instruct them to bring their ingredients in a cooler and bring them home in a cooler with ice or cold packs to keep the food safe.
Food and Drink
Super simple is the key here. You are going to be cooking up a storm, so you don’t want to be tired out from preparing snacks for your guests. Popcorn, chips, store-bought brownie bites, or other easy nibbles are all you need. Be sure to have sodas, beer, wine, a pitcher of margaritas, or whatever your crew likes to drink at the ready. Note: for sanitation reasons, guests should not eat while they cook. Before and after is fine, with hand washing in between, please!
Ready, Set, Cook!
How you get the cooking done is up to you. But here are a few tips:
Make one recipe at a time. The person who brought the recipe calls the shots.
Use an assembly-line approach. One person browns the meat, one person chops the onions, one person mans the mixing bowl.
Pack the finished dish in as many zip-top bags or foil pans as needed. Wrap securely.
Using a permanent marker (we love Sharpies), write the name of the recipe on the bag as well as any special instructions…e.g. “cook at 350 for 50 minutes,” or “serve over pasta.”
Connecting Activities
Spending time in the kitchen together is a great opportunity to share joys, setbacks and thoughts on life over food. Here are few potential conversation starters:
- Your favorite food related memory
- Who is your favorite chef
- The role of food or cooking in your life –your food philosophy, struggles, etc.
- How you learned to cook (or didn’t)
- Your signature recipe
Party Favors
Leaving with a cooler full of food will definitely be enough of a souvenir for your girlfriends. But if you feel the need to add something extra special, here are few party favor ideas:
- Find plain aprons at a craft store (sometimes you can even find then at the dollar store) and decorate with fabric paints, or create iron-on transfers using a favorite picture of you and your girlfriends.
- Chicken Soup for the Girlfriend’s Soul
- Ask your girlfriends to send you their recipes ahead of time so you can make copies and have them ready to hand out at the party. You can laminate or put them in page protectors, or, if you are feeling ambitious, start a “Girlfriends Cookbook” binder that you can add to each time you get together to cook.
One final note: This party would make a great alternative baby shower. Send the mom-to-be home with a freezer full of prepared meals instead of baby gifts!
We know this party may seem like a bit of effort, BUT it actually will save you time in the long run. You had to cook anyway, and now you get to do it while gabbing with your friends. Try it, and you may discover a new tradition. We hope we’ve shown you that it’s possible to get things done AND have fun. All it takes is a little advance planning and a kitchen full of girlfriends!
About the contributors
Dawn Williams Bertuca and Tina VanZant Bishop founded GirlfriendCelebrations.com in 2005 to help women plan girls night out, girls night in, girlfriend gatherings and girlfriend getaways. As the premier providers of girlfriend party ideas on the web, they are also proud female friendship “ambassadors.” They truly believe that Girlfriends Make Life Better!™
A lucky few of you live in a climate where it’s summer all year long; where you can get out and enjoy the warm weather anytime you want. For the rest of us…these few months of summer are precious and as you may have noticed, they go by faster every year! So this summer, take advantage of the long days, warm nights, and sunny skies to get out and improve your physical and mental health.
How do you do this? It’s easier than you think. My advice to you is to take up (or at least try) two new sports this year. I guarantee you’ll be amazed at how good you feel, inside and out, after working hard and learning something new. Learning a new skill challenges and stimulates your brain, but learning a new physical skill will do this and be beneficial to your physical health and well-being.
Taking up a new sport in your me time will improve your confidence, increase your ability to push yourself mentally and physically, and is great way to relieve stress and take in the fresh air. Involving your entire family is also a positive choice for everyone. The Women’s Sports Foundation states that families who participate in sports report higher levels of family satisfaction. So after you complete that local kayak course you’ve wanted to try, why not spend some summer evenings teaching your family as well. Read on for examples of summer sports you can try and how they can keep you healthy.
Swimming
Summer is a great time to hit the outdoor pool or lake and get your body moving. Swimming uses almost all of the large muscle groups in your body without the pounding you’d get from running. You’ll also love the new toned arms and shoulders consistent swimming will give you. Regular swimming not only improves strength, but also increases your muscular endurance, cardiovascular ability, and burns plenty of calories each session as well.
Check with your local YWCA, recreational pool, or Red Cross to find adult swim lessons in your area. Whether you are a beginner or are someone who wants to improve their mile swim time, courses or teams are available to meet your needs. Red Cross www.redcross.org or USA Swimming www.usaswimming.org
Nordic Walking
Nordic walking is a type of fitness walking using specially designed walking poles that has become a new trend among all ages in the last few years. It provides a total body workout, is time efficient, and can be done by almost anyone. If you’ve been a walker for years, this is a great way to challenge yourself this summer. Recent studies by the Cooper Institute in Dallas, TX showed that Nordic walking can be up to 46% more efficient than regular walking. American Walking Association www.anwa.us
Paddling
Paddling can take many forms – canoe or kayak, white water or stream, lake or ocean. The choices are limitless. Just find what you like best and what is most convenient for where you live or vacation. Both canoeing and kayaking are great low impact activities that can improve your cardiovascular endurance, strength, and flexibility. Your back, arm, and shoulder muscles will be used the most while you’re moving the paddle and your core muscles work to keep you stable.
Both canoeing and kayaking are excellent choices to get outside, get fit, and enjoy the summer. The best way to learn is by joining a local club, participating in a one-day workshop, or by renting equipment and trying it out for a day. If you’re really up for a summer adventure, try looking for a week long excursion – you’ll be a pro in no time! American Canoe Association www.americancanoe.org
Triathlon Training
Are you someone who hits the pavement all summer on those morning runs? If so, try switching up your workouts this year by training for a triathlon. Combining running, swimming, and biking is a sure way to get your entire body fit and lean. Having a multi-sport event to train for will keep you motivated, and by cross training, you’ll be less likely to suffer from overuse injuries as well. To find a race near you www.active.com or USA Triathlon www.usatriathlong.org
Kickball
No kickball is NOT just for kids anymore. As of last summer the World Adult Kickball Association (WAKA) had over 49,000 members taking part in leagues all across the country. In kickball games players are able to burn calories, run around outside, and have fun in a stress-free social environment. Work on that leg strength to improve your ability to kick the ball and practice your sprints to make sure you make it home safe. To learn more: World Adult Kickball Association www.kickball.com or National Kickball Association www.nka-kc.com
With all of these sports, and more, to fill up your summer why not get outside this year? Summer sports are a great way to get fit, have fun, and get in shape before the cold weather sends us back inside this fall. Enjoy!
Laurie Smith, M.Ed., CSCS, CHES
Laurie is an exercise physiologist and health educator with a passion for being physically active and encouraging others to do the same. She is nationally certified as a Health Education Specialist, Personal Fitness Trainer, Strength and Conditioning Specialist, and Yoga instructor. She holds a Masters Degree in Health Education and a Bachelors Degree in Exercise Science. As an expert in health education and fitness, Laurie has spent time managing both corporate and college wellness programs, teaching middle school health education, coaching youth sport, and training individuals to reach their health and fitness goals. Laurie was a competitive gymnast for 15 years who currently spends her free time skiing, traveling, running half marathons, and learning to surf. Laurie believes that investing in your health is one of the best investments you can make. Whether you put in time, energy, or money, you are guaranteed to get positive results. http://www.healthyinvestments-inc.com/, www.momsinmotions.com
Did you know that the leading cause of death for women in the United States is Sudden Cardiac Arrest (SCA)? Cardiovascular Disease claims the lives of over 500,000 women each year. For many of us we don’t think of our heart health risks. June 1 – 7, 2010 is National CPR & AED Awareness Week. This week take a few minutes to evaluate your heart health risks and learn how to keep your heart healthy.
What puts us at risk factor for cardiovascular disease? High cholesterol, high blood pressure, smoking, obesity, diabetes, stress and lack of physical activity are just a few. These are risk factors we can control by changing habits or visiting with our healthcare provider. Some risk factors we can’t control; such as our age, race or hereditary factors. But these are things that you can include in your conversation with your healthcare provider as they will include these in their healthcare plan for you.
Do you know the signs and symptoms of a heart attack or sudden cardiac arrest? In sudden cardiac arrest a person collapses and becomes unresponsive. They stop breathing and their heart beats with an irregular rhythm that does not effectively circulate blood through their body. Start CPR and use an AED (Automated External Defibrillator). A person having a heart attack may have sharp or crushing chest pain; but many people only have mild discomfort or pressure in their chest or upper back and some difficulty breathing. It is important that anyone having chest pain or pressure with difficulty in breathing seek medical attention immediately. Call 911. If they become unresponsive and stop breathing start CPR and use an AED (Automated External Defibrillator).
Do you know how to do CPR? If you have never taken a course or are not sure if you remember how to do CPR you can do Hands-Only CPR. Call 911, push up and down on the center of the person’s chest and don’t stop until the ambulance arrives. Your quick action can make a difference.
The American Heart Association’s Go Red for Women (www.goredforwomen.org) website has interactive heart check up tools, tips and programs to help you check and improve your heart health. Set aside of a few minutes of Me Time this week and check your heart health. It is something you can do for yourself and your family.
About Gail Klanchesser
She is the owner of Coastal CPR & First Aid, LLC. She is an American Heart Association BLS CPR & First Aid Instructor offering both community and on-location courses for busy parents, healthcare providers, care providers, business, schools and youth organizations. She is a former EMT-I and firmly believes that we all can make a difference to someone in an emergency by using CPR, choking and First Aid skills. She and her four children are active community volunteers living on the New Hampshire Seacoast. coastalcpr.com
Dear Aly,
Sunglasses during the summer is essential, I get that – but it’s hard to find a pair that fits my face! Do you have any guidelines?
Signed,
Shadeless
Dear Shadeless,
In order to ease your way through the sunglass display, I chatted with Eden Wexler, a celebrity sunglass stylist, and she helped to guide me through what glasses fit what face shape!
Go by face shape!
Round
For a round face shape, the goal is to make the face appear longer and thinner. Frames should be wider then they are deep. Slightly angular frames will narrow a round face. Metal frames with adjustable nose pads will keep lenses from resting on fuller cheeks.
Heart
With heart-shaped faces, the trick is to find frames that minimize the width of the top of the face and add width below the eye line to offset the narrow chin. Try frames that are wider at the bottom or styles with low temples to add balance. Also, rimless frames and frames with rounded tops – such as aviators and butterfly shapes – as well as squared bottoms work well.
Oval
The oval face can wear virtually any style because of its balanced proportions. The chin is slightly narrower than the forehead, and the cheekbones are typically high. Frames should keep the oval’s natural balance. Select frames that are as wide or wider than the broadest part of the face such as wraps and shields work well. (NOTE: It is common for people who have a classic oval face to have small features. The goal is to keep the face in balance. Make sure the frame is in proportion and doesn’t overwhelm the features.)
Square
A square face has a strong jaw line and a broad forehead with a wide chin and cheekbones. The goal is to find a frame that makes the face look longer. Avoid a frame that is flat on the bottom, as this will mirror the face shape. Look for a frame that has some curve or uplift to draw attention away from the jaw line. Gently curved narrow styles will minimize squareness and lengthen the face. Round and oval frames compliment this face shape.
ALSO:
When trying on sunglasses – -be sure to do the “smile test” — If the glasses rise up off of your nose bridge when you smile — they are not for you! Try something else.
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