Giving yourself permission to do what feels right for you

1. When was the last time you gave yourself permission to say “no”?
   
2. How did you feel about saying “no”? Guilty, liberated, upset, scared or angry
   
3. When was the last time you gave yourself permission to say “yes” to a treat, an outing, a simple pleasure or any form of “Me Time”?
   

	by Gerianne Clare of Clare Consulting www.clareconsulting.com

When I ask these questions of my Mom clients they often get squirmy in their chairs. Saying “no” to others is hard for them and saying “yes” to themselves is even harder. Moms have demands not only from their children, but from their partners, their parents, their workplace, society and most of all themselves. Giving and doing for others is in their nature, giving to themselves is foreign.
We all have an inner barometer that lets us know if what we are doing or not doing is right or wrong for us. The reality for many of us is that we have lost touch with our inner knowing. Many people are worried about what others will think of them and they lose sight about “How they will feel about themselves.”

When someone asks me to do something, I have learned to check in with myself “Does this request energize me or does it drain me?” The truth is, if the request energizes me and I am excited about doing it, then it is right for me. If, however, the thought of saying yes to the request makes me feel tired, irritated, or angry then the reality is that it is not something that I want to do. To honor myself, I need to listen to my inner guidance and take action from the answers I receive.
Giving ourselves permission to do what feels right for us takes practice. It is not something that changes overnight. For many of us, the idea of listening to and trusting our gut by saying yes or no is totally scary.

Here are some pointers to help you get started giving yourself permission.

1. Start small -maybe you want to say “no” to helping a neighbor, or “yes” to a walk with a friend even though you have laundry to do and dinner to make.
   
2. Try making a commitment to Say “No” immediately and let people know you will reconsider once you have taken the time to make a clear decision.
   
3. Take time to make a decision that feels right for you

• Find a quiet time away from distractions – may be in the bathroom, in the car with the kids sleeping in their car seats, at the park while the kids are playing or sitting in your yard
• Take some deep breaths – deep into your gut – notice the sensation of your breath going into your body
• Ask yourself – how do I feel about this decision – listen carefully to your inner thoughts
• Ask yourself – what do I want – listen carefully (this may be your mind talking)
• Ask yourself – what do I really want – listen carefully (this may be your mind and gut talking)
• Ask yourself – what do I really, really want – listen carefully (when we give ourselves permission to get to this depth of desire it is often our gut talking)
• Ask yourself – What is my decision?
• Take action steps to follow through on your decision.
  

4. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to honor the decision that you have made and to keep your commitment to yourself.

a. Notice any resistance,
b. be kind to yourself and

Celebrate your courage in giving yourself permission to do what feels right for you.

Gerrianne is a highly qualified life and family wellness coach. She holds a Masters degree in Nursing, is a certified Heartmath® Coach, PSYCH-K ® facilitator and a specialist in designing “in the moment” strategies to help her clients feel more connected in their lives. With over 30 years experience in business, education and health care, Gerrianne has helped hundreds of men, women, and families live more authentic lives. She knows how challenging it is to balance work, family, home and self care and recognizes that many people do not have time to get off their treadmill long enough to figure out what to do to feel better in their lives. By helping people learn tools and strategies to tune into their bodies and their moment by moment experiences, Gerrianne helps clients come up with solutions that are uniquely theirs.Check out her website at http://www.clareconsulting.com