How to Maintain your “Za Za Zu” with your Husband…Amidst Kids, Careers & Crazy Lives!

Never Stop Dressing Up and Looking Hot for each other! It was your initial attraction that brought you and your lover together. So it only makes sense to keep up the same appearance that first attracted him. This is a mistake that so many women make; they figure that once they’ve got him, they are free to “let themselves go,” and still be loved unconditionally by their mate. But you have to put effort into staying attractive and sexy in your lover’s eyes, to ensure his eyes stay only on you, for the long haul. Don’t let the only outfit he sees you in be sweats and T-shirts; Dress up at least once or twice a week in heels and a hot dress, make-up and all. Men are visual beings and place a high value on a woman’s physical appearance, so dressing up, staying in shape and looking great for your hubby on a regular basis will serve as a constant reminder of why he chose you and that you’re still the knock-out you were when he first laid eyes on you!

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Have and Keep a Regular “Date Night.” When you have children it can be easy to fall into the trap of letting your marriage and romance take a back seat. Don’t make this mistake! If there’s anything we can learn from the Obamas it’s the necessity of having “Date Night.” Set aside 1 evening a week to go on date with your partner; and make a commitment to stick to it no matter what, as if it were any other important appointment. It doesn’t matter so much were you go, but it’s important that it’s at least 3 hours, uninterrupted, and alone. You need this time to re-connect with your lover roles as Husband and Wife in the midst of hectic schedules, kids, and crazy work weeks. It allows you to maintain that connection and not lose each other in the madness. To make it easier to stick to your dates, have a regular babysitting arrangement in place, and never cut down on your date nights if finances are tight due to worry over babysitting costs. Believe me, the cost of a failed relationship is far worse than paying a babysitter a couple hours a week.

Keep things Spontaneous with Unexpected Surprises! Surprises keep things fun, fresh and exciting, and make the receiver feel special and brings back those exciting feelings you had for each other when you were first starting out! Surprise your lover by leaving occasional sweet or sexy notes in his shoe or the pants pocket of the pants he’s going to wear to work, or leave a note and a rose on his dashboard. Some of the most stimulating foreplay can be had through technology by sending spontaneously sexy texts messages and emails at unexpected times throughout his work day or when you are apart and builds crazy anticipation! When he comes home from work, occasionally surprise him by greeting him with high heels, hot new lingerie and his favorite ice cold beer. Don’t fall into a predictable routine; always find creative ways to surprise each other and spice things up

Commit to Trying 1 New Thing a Month Together. In a relationship or marriage, you are either growing together or growing apart. In order to ensure you continue growing upwards together, make a commitment to do or try one new thing together as a couple each month; whether it’s trying a new exotic food, learning a new foreign language, Salsa Dancing, Sky-diving, or simply a new restaurant, the novelty and excitement of trying new things together will tighten your bond and create lots of fond shared memories, not to mention keep your libido hot – whenever you try something new, your brains produce loads of dopamine, that chemical that gives you that feel-good rush, which serves as a total aphrodisiac!

Have Regular “Movie Make-out” Time! Remember when you were younger and the only time you could sneak alone with your flame was in the movie theatre? And how exactly did you spend that time in there? That’s right! Give your romance that spicy, youthful feel again by setting aside regular “Movie Make-out Session” time. Most couples who have been in relationships for years stop kissing and making out beyond the bedroom. But don’t undermine this intimate act of expression. Commit to having a 15-minute “make-out session” at least every 48 hours. But beyond that rule, leave it ambiguous with no set time -half the fun is not knowing when you’re partner will throw your head back and start going at it, or take turns initiating it when (and where!) the other least expects it!

Keep the Compliments Coming! Don’t ever stop giving compliments to each other! And if it’s been a while, start them back up again. When he’s about to leave for work dressed in a new shirt and tie, tell him how unbelievably hot he is! When he does something to drive you wild in bed, make sure you tell him what a stud he is. Believe me, he’ll be quick to return the favor; and around and around it will go. When you continue to make each other feel sexy, you’ll be that much more turned on by each other and your newly enhanced confidence will be quite a libido-booster.

Take Frequent Trips Together. Make it a priority to schedule frequent trips and getaways with just the two of you or another couple, and leave the kids at home! Of course you’ll take family trips too, but you need “Adults Only” getaways as well. Whether it’s just a random overnighter, a road-trip or a week-long vacation, it’s essential to have that intimate alone time for more than just a few hours so you actually get a chance to give your brains a break, unplug, and just be present with each other without the stressors of home, not to mention that going to new places together on a regular basis will continue to create that shared excitement and experiences that are so important keeping that spark lit for life.

Have Sex in at Least 1 New Place a Month. As much as we all hate to admit it, sex can get stale after a while with the same partner. Ask yourself when the last new position you’ve tried was or the last time you’ve had sex outside the bedroom? Make a pact with your partner to have sex in at least 1 new place outside the bedroom every month. And no repeats! This will force you to be creative. Keep a rolling list together of all the new places you’ve “christened” as if they were gold medals.

Play Fantasy Games. Playing occasional fantasy games with your partner like Dress-up and Role-Play is a fantastic way to keep the thrill and novelty alive in the relationship. Here’s one idea: Make a “Blind Date” with your man at a designated time and place as if you hadn’t met before (you could even use different names for extra fun). Get ready separately and meet him there separately. Then, wait at the bar dressed to the nines in a killer outfit, and have him “pick you up” like it’s the first time you’ve met. Stay in character the rest of the night as he persists to charm, seduce you and win you over! Incorporating role play and dress up in bed is a lot fun as well; Some ideas to try are: Pilot and Sexy Stewardess, Doctor and Naughty Nurse, CEO and Secretary, or whatever other fantasy you want to play out!

Renew your Vows! You can renew your vows whenever you want and there is no limit on how many times you do so. It’s a beautiful way to recapture your wedding day and those feelings you had on it, and each time you do it you’ll feel a renewed sense of commitment and excitement for each other! Maybe you’ve traveled to a beautiful place together or you’ve shared an amazing day or experience you don’t want to forget; or maybe the next time you’re in Vegas you want to know what it feels like to “elope” in secret in a little casino chapel; So why not do it! What a great way to lock in those memories, keep things fresh and renew your love for each other at the same time.

Share Your Thoughts and Concerns!  How do you and your hubby keep the magic alive? Email us your tips and tricks. Got a question for our experts and contributors? Let us know now!

About DeAnna Lorraine
DeAnna is a nationally known Dating & Relationship Coach and Expert as well as the Host of her own Talk Radio Show, Cutting Edge Dating with DeAnna Lorraine. Known for her uncanny insight into dating & attraction and her unique approach that includes Coaching, Hypnosis & NLP, DeAnna will transform your dating & love lives from dull and distressed to sizzling success! www.deannalorraine.com